Stravinsky...um I mean....Babinski Reflex

"Dear Danny,
   Well, recently Auntie became a grandma to your first cousin once removed, Leonardo.  See him here being held by your cousin by marriage, Tony?  Leo is 2 weeks old in this photo.  He had just come back from his check-up.  One thing the doctor looks for is the baby's Babinski Reflex.  He'll run a dull instrument along his foot: if it curls, then the baby's reflexes are ok.

It' similar to the Stravinsky Reflex. 

The Stravinsky Reflex is best described as that cringe we make whenever someone hits a high C note, or when someone runs their fingernails across the chalkboard.  That's the...Stravinsky Reflex.  Honest!
    Love,
         Auntie"

Staffordshire Nightmare

"Dear Audrey,

You know how Auntie is. Whether it's searching for the perfect deviled egg recipe, or looking for seashells at Pismo Beach, Auntie can get a little obsessed when it comes to collections. 

Auntie's new obsession is Stafforshire Porcelain, specifically that certain Staffordshire porcelain depicting Spaniels and manufactured during the Industrial Revolution. These were produced in pairs, and were often hand painted by small children who were sent to work in factories, so these lovely collectibles are found to have vacuous or whimsical stares, yellow eyes, arched eyebrows and metallic-glazed lockets.

Auntie prefers the ones with vacuous stares and yellow eyes.

So far, Auntie has collected two sets of Staffordshire Spaniels. One pair sits atop the fireplace mantel, and one pair by the hearth.  Uncle John said,"That's probably enough Spaniels, don't you think?"  But what he REALLY meant is, "Their eyes follow me as I come through the front door, sit, read the paper, and get up to go to the kitchen.  It's creeping me out." 

Anyhoo, wish  you were here!
     Love,
         Auntie"

Just Wrong

"Dear Audrey and Danny,
I found this artist's rendering of actor Eric Roberts on a website that sells lunchboxes.  It's just wrong.  First of all, not only is Mr. Roberts the brother of the more known Julia, he is an accomplished pianist and collector of peacock feathers.  To depict him on a lunch box riding a horse is near blasphemy.  It should have been a unicorn.
     Love,
       Auntie"

Viking Bangs

"Hi Audrey,
       Do you remember when Grandma took this picture?  I think you were 2 days old. Look at how cute  you are.  I don't know what Auntie was looking at, but boy my hair was short.  Now it's 2 feet longer.  I rarely cut it - but when I do, it's only the bangs.  Uncle John says, 'Be careful, or you'll look like a Viking.'  But like Confucius said, 'dull scissors and Viking hair are better than dull brains' (or something like that).
      Love,
          Auntie"

"Dear Audrey,
      I'm sure you've heard all about 9/11 at school, and how that day changed everyone's lives - especially those at Ground Zero.  But did you know that after 9/11 shrines to commemorate the fallen heroes started popping up all over the place like this one? Right after 9/11 someone put a fireman's hat on this rock, and next thing you know there were flowers, plants, flags and all kinds of things around it.  To this day, 10 years later, you can still find these shrines on the anniversary of 9/11.
      Love,
          Auntie"

Hwy 46

"Hi Audrey!
       This is a picture along Hwy 46 near Paso Robles of a clump of trees in the shape of a heart.  Great-Grandma Joaquina loved this heart-shaped grove.  She also looked like the little old lady in the Burger King commercials in the '80s - the one who said, 'Where's the beef.'  She would say that in the back of the car when we'd drive along Hwy 46.  Auntie and Aunt Xie would die laughing. She would also speak Portuguese to Grandma, and we had no clue what she was saying, but could tell if she was talking about us by the change in the tone of her voice.  We loved her and miss her a lot.  She would also say, 'Quoi ta thine,' when translated means, 'Poor little thing,' or something like that.
      Love,
           Auntie"

Bird Brain

"Hi Danny!
      This picture was taken 9 years ago at one of Grandma's famous yard sales.  Notice how Cukor is sitting on your dad's shoulder, and how Nathan is pretending to be Cukor's head?  Although Cukor's head really looks like Cukor (not Nathan) humans and birds both have similar brains in that the surface, or neocortex is folded.  That's why we relate to them & cats & dogs.  Rodents have a smooth neocortex so we don't find them as cute.  Birds are actually very smart.  So if someone ever calls you a 'bird brain', say 'Hey, Thaaanks!" (just like that).
      Love,
          Auntie"

Hurricane Katrina

"Hi Audrey!
      This picture was taken in 2006 when Auntie flew to Mississippi with a crew of people to work on houses that were partially destroyed by Hurricane Katrina. Hurricane Katrina made landfall in Biloxi, Miss. exactly 6 years ago to this day.  Thousands of people had to move away from their homes because they had become too unsafe to live in - like this one.  But see how they spray painted, "Do not bulldoze, still alive and kicking"?  I hope that this family is safe and back home again.
      Love,
          Auntie"

Burning Bridges and the Mullet

"Hi Danny,
      I  picked up these postcards to send to friends and relatives when Uncle John and I moved to our new house.  I thought that it was hilarious!  It implies that we've 'burned our bridges' and have moved on.  I decided against sending them (except to Aunt Xie) because I didn't want to offend anyone and thus, 'burn bridges.' I still think it's hilarious, but sometimes what Auntie thinks is funny is not the same as what others might think is funny - like the time I gave your dad a mullet.  He asked me to cut his hair - and it all went downhill from there.  I couldn't help it, but eventually his hair grew back and he forgave me, and I repaired that bridge.
      'wish you were here!'
      love,
           Auntie"

Time on our Feet

"Hi Danny!
      This is what happens when you have too much time on your hands, or in this case, too much time on your feet:  you take a picture of them.  That's your dad's, mine and Aunt Xie's on the bottom.  Your dad's feet are legendary in Redwood City.  They strike fear in those not forewarned about their appearance.  Your dad had to warn people to look away when he took off his socks, else they'd be in danger of temporary blindness - like looking at the sun.  They are a weapon to be reckoned with.
      love,
          Auntie"

Old Blue

"Hi Audrey!
      This is a picture of your mom and dad when they came for a visit in 1999.  Your cousin Tineke was 13 and Nate was 11.  Nathan's holding Copperfield our cockatiel and your mom's holding 'old blue' her favorite sweater.  She loved that sweater as if she carried it 'in utero'.  It now lies in a landfill in Martinez where a family of possums use it as a dining room table.  They call it 'old yellow' because, after years of sun exposure to UV radiation it is no longer blue.
      Love,
          Auntie"

Optical Illusion

"Hi Danny! 
      Here's another picture postcard of Gibraltar Dam.  See that little van in the background?  If you hold your thumb over it and look at the picture, the flood gates look small.  If you take your thumb off the van, the flood gates look humongous.  Try it....see what I mean?  That's what's called an optical illusion.  It's kinda like how Cukie (my bird) used to fluff up his feathers to look really big, but when he was hopping around on the ground he looked really small.  Or how it looks like your dad has lots of hair, but really, it's a wig.  ha ha. kidding.
      'wish you were here!'
              Love,
                   Auntie"

I Heart Unicorns

"Hi Audrey!
      This picture was taken at a plant where they manufacture concrete pipe.  that man in the picture is thinking to himself, "Gee, I wonder what I'm having for lunch."  He's also thinking, "Gee, I really like unicorns." But he's just thinking it, and not saying it out loud.  If he did say it out loud people might think he's 'lost his marbles.'  Speaking of marbles, I found a really old one while digging in my garden the other day.  It's blue with white swirls like this---->



Wish you were here!
      Love,
          Auntie"

Guinea Pigs

"Hi Danny,
      See the guy with the white hard hat?  He's probably the site foreman just like your dad.  He's telling that other guy, "Watch out for my pet Guinea Pig, Ralph." Did you know that Guinea Pigs are neither from Guinea nor are they pigs?  But they sure are darn cute!  I think Ralph was looking for cheese or trying to get through the chain-link fence.  Anyhow, TTYL.
      Love,
           Auntie"

Waterslides and Spillways

"Hi Danny,
      This photograph is of the Bradley Dam spillway.  It kinda looks like a water slide, doesn't it?  It reminds me of the trip to the Manteca Waterslides we took when your dad was little.  If I can remember correctly, he got a sunburn and vomited after eating generic hotdogs.  Your dad is a good swimmer, but that was the year they invented generic groceries, and the technology wasn't yet perfected.  So the labels on the food had tiny disclaimers you could only read with a magnifying glass...like this one...

                    *Do not attempt to swim after eating these or else you will projectile vomit.
      love,
        Auntie"

One Large Pipe

"Hi Danny!
      I can't believe that you are going to be 6 years old in a matter of days!  You are almost as big as that reinforced concrete pipe!  And that one's 7' in diameter!  Speaking of RCP, see the notch inside of it?  That's so that it can be fit into another pipe so they can construct a long segment.  Flowing full, that pipe could handle 850 cubic feet per second. That's a lot of water.  We're talking 382k gallons.  If I had a penny for each gallon, I'd be rich!
      love,
          Auntie"